Once upon a time, I thought if I just tried harder, I could fix myself. If I pushed through the pain, ignored the fatigue, and willed my brain fog away, I could still be the person I used to be—the productive, capable, independent version of me.
Spoiler alert: That didn’t work. At all.
Turns out, perfection is a trap. It dangles the promise of control just out of reach, keeping us stuck in a cycle of frustration and self-criticism. And when you live with fibromyalgia (or any chronic condition), perfection isn’t just unrealistic—it’s exhausting.
But here’s the thing: imperfection isn’t failure. It’s freedom.
The Illusion of “More”
Society loves a good hustle story—pushing through, achieving more, doing more. And maybe that worked for you once. Maybe you used to juggle a career, a social life, and a to-do list that could make an overachiever weep.
But fibromyalgia changes the rules. It forces you to slow down, reassess, and (whether you like it or not) confront your limitations. And that’s uncomfortable because we’re taught to see limits as things to overcome—not as part of the deal.
At first, it feels like losing. Like falling short. Like being less.
But here’s a wild thought: What if less isn’t a loss? What if it’s exactly what you need?
The Perfection Myth & Why It’s Exhausting
Society loves a good “power through” story. Keep going. Do more. Push past the pain.
Except, when you live with fibromyalgia, pushing past your limits doesn’t make you stronger—it just makes you miserable.
For years, I felt guilty saying no to things. I’d push myself to keep up, only to crash hard later. It took me way too long to realize that saying “no” isn’t a failure—it’s a survival skill. And honestly? It’s kind of freeing.
For example, my daughter often asks me to run errands with her. A few years ago, I would’ve forced myself to go, even if I knew I’d be wrecked the next day. Now? I can say “No, thanks. I’m staying home to be ugly in peace.” (And let me tell you, staying home in my comfy clothes, unbothered, is one of my favorite things.)
Letting go of guilt and perfection has been one of the biggest mindset shifts I’ve ever made. And you know what? The world keeps turning even when I don’t push myself to exhaustion. Imagine that.
Rewriting the Definition of Success
For a long time, I measured success the way the world told me to—by how productive I was, how much I accomplished, how much I could do.
Fibromyalgia forced me to flip that thinking on its head. Because some days, success looks like getting out of bed and putting on clean pajamas. Some days, it’s remembering to drink enough water. Some days, it’s knowing when to rest before I push myself too far.
I’ve learned to count my “spoons” (energy levels) and respect them. I’ve learned that pride won’t get me anywhere—so yes, I will absolutely use the electronic carts at Walmart. And I’ve learned that there are people who understand my limitations and people who don’t. (And let’s be real, if someone isn’t in my corner, they probably weren’t meant to be there in the first place.)
Imperfect Joys & The Art of Reinvention
When I stopped chasing who I used to be, I found something surprising: a life I actually enjoy.
I’ve gotten used to my reality. I’ve adjusted to what I can no longer do, and I focus on what I can do. And guess what? There’s a lot I can do.
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I can rest without guilt.
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I can recognize what triggers my flares (rain, stress, overdoing it) and adjust accordingly.
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I can listen to my body instead of fighting it.
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I can connect with people who actually get it (shoutout to some of the amazing fibromyalgia support groups online!).
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I can reinvent my life, on my own terms.
And in the process, I’ve learned one of the most valuable lessons of all:
Don’t dwell on what you can’t do—learn to love and appreciate what you can do.
Final Thoughts
Fibromyalgia changed me, but it didn’t break me. It forced me to slow down, listen, adapt, and (eventually) accept my new reality. And honestly? That acceptance has been a gift.
Imperfection isn’t something to fix—it’s something to embrace. It’s what makes life real, unpredictable, and yes, even beautiful.
So if you’re struggling to let go of who you used to be, here’s my advice: Give yourself permission to be exactly who you are today. Your limits aren’t weaknesses. They’re just a new way of moving through the world. And in that, there is so much strength.
